confession

i never knew what it was really like to feel my heart hurt, but i think i tasted it a little... starting with giddiness. laughter and overflowing happy moments. memories and dreams fulfilled. what i never knew that i wanted coming to me unhindered. understanding. love. pursuit. but since it was all out of the shadow of God's wing it meant the blackest darkness, like in a cave with no flashlight. confusion and fury. wanting to escape while still looking to my captor. whispers of light and joy seemed so distant and unattainable. beauty found that was not real. it was all like a dream. everything was cloudy. everything tasted terrible. my body was writhing in pain. its strange when you interrupt your own calls for help. ultimately i found that you really cannot have both. choose christ or the world. and once you have Him, hold Him. keep your word even when it hurts. sin is never the answer.